Have you ever noticed any time you are wanting to be pregnant, or you are worried you are pregnant you have all the symptoms? There is still a week until your period but you feel pregnant! You are really tired, have nausea, your boobs hurt, and you swear you are getting fat already! There might be some merit to your feelings, it is called a phantom pregnancy. The mind tricks the body into believing it is pregnant and there are symptoms , and even in some cases positive pregnancy tests, but no fetus and no heart beat. Some woman believe they have had a miscarriage, but really there was never a baby. I was told about this, and it makes sense. The mind is powerful, and how many woman have been positive from the symptoms they feel they are pregnant then they get a period that next week? It’s happened to me a few times. Interesting that the body can be so influenced by the mind.
Regardless of life’s ups and downs there is a story being made.
I want to start this post with a question. Have you or do you know someone who has had a miscarriage or still birth? I do. According to medical daily’s November post by Susan Scutti, “Ten to 25 percent of all recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage, and up to 70 percent of first-trimester miscarriages are caused by chromosomal anomalies.” A couple of the ladies that I work with have recently had a miscarriage and a still birth. I feel truly heart broken for them since I heard the news of each. As a mom I understand the emended amount of love you feel for that tiny amazing life you are carrying, and I come to tears just thinking those beautiful ladies had to experience the loss of that life. I pray for them to find strength in God, and be at peace knowing heaven is everyone’s end goal and their miracles were chosen by God to never experience pain or suffering, heartache or loss, and they will forever be loved and remembered. Now that my husband and I are wanting to add one more little one to our family I am worried about how it will affect those ladies. Is that ridiculous to think? I know that they are in pain and I don’t want to make that any worse than it already is and has been for them. I know when I do become pregnant they will feel happy for me and never tell me I hurt them. I’m not sure the best way to handle a situation based solely on feelings (never have I done well with emotions). What are some ways you have handled this kind of situation?
Usually I end with a quote of my own, today I end with a Bible verse.
The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those that are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:18
I was married November 7, 2014 to a man I have known for almost five years. He is the father of my two boys, and my best friend. Then on December 7, 2014 I was in a car accident (apparently that date is bad luck). It was our one month anniversary and I didn’t want to, but I had to go to work. I live along an interstate that’s speed limit is 75 mph. I got on the interstate to head to work and four miles in to my trip everyone ahead of me was slamming on their brakes. The car ahead of me had cut in front of me just before the braking started, I had no time to brake I tried, but I slammed into the behicle ahead of me still going close to 60 mph. As soon as I hit I saw everything flying around me inside the car, the air bag deployed and my seat belt jerked me back. I realized what had happened and I saw a man stop his vehicle across the interstate I started yelling help! He ran over to me and asked if I was ok. I told him I was ok, but my leg feels broken. I asked him to call my husband for a babysitter so he could meet me at the hospital, and to call my work to say I wouldn’t be there. Then I asked if the person I hit was ok. He said everyone is fine, and they paramedics are already on their way. Apparently there had been an accident ahead of us and that’s why everyone braked suddenly. I was trying to stay calm, my leg wasn’t hurting it just felt odd, and I could feel blood running from my ankles. The paramedics, cops, and firefighters arrived fairly quickly. They decided not to go through the passenger side incase that airbag decided to deploy. They opened my door, but couldn’t get my seat back to get me out (I’m short so I was fairly close to the steering wheel). They started an IV of morphine and told me they needed me to scoot myself out. They placed a board next to my booty and I started scooting. The pain increased with every move I made. Once I was out enough the paramedics laid me flat and extended my leg. That’s when the screaming started. It was the most intense pain I have ever felt, and I have had two 8+ pound babies! Once in the ambulance they gave me more morphine and bent my leg so it would be less painful. Then they began cutting and pulling off all of my clothes (all I could think was now I know why my mom always told me as a child to wear clean underwear). They cut off my bra and shirt, a shirt that was my favorite. Then cut my pants, it’s ok those pants were getting to small anyway. Then pulled off my shoes and socks. Finally they began cutting my underwear, I grabbed the paramedics arm and asked are you going to cut off my underwear? He said well us we have to. I then told him no you can’t do that I wore these underwear under my wedding dress! He laughed and said sorry, they have to go. The morphine started to kick in. We arrived at the hospital and I don’t remember a lot about that except I prayed and the paramedic asked me who I was talking to. I responded God, and he asked me if I felt ok. Next thing I knew I was surrounded by nurses on a hospital bed. They were talking to each other and watching me. I asked one if my face looked aweful she said no just some runny mascara. Then a nurse explained they had to close the wounds on my ankles. They began stapling my ankles shut! It was aweful! I felt so much pain I began crying hysterically. They gave me more morphine, and a pill to put me to sleep. The nurse told me I wouldn’t feel anymore pain. She lied! They told me they had to pull my leg to “break it back into place” put it in traction. What that really meant was here comes a lot of pain. I begged to be put to sleep first and the nurse told me they tried, but I have too much adrenaline and to calm down. I wasn’t going to calm down, I was in a lot of pain, I didn’t have a boo boo I broke my leg! They pulled my leg back into traction and screaming and crying erupted from my body. Then they all left except one. She wheeled me into a surgery waiting room and reassured me my surgeon was the best they have and I am so lucky he is on duty. I wasn’t feeling very lucky. I was relaxed now though, and my husband was with me now. I laid exhausted from everything that had happened, and finally got into surgery at midnight. Those were the longest 8 hours of my life. After surgery my surgeon explained he had to put a titanium rod along my femur with 5 screws to keep it in place and I would have three to six months of healing ahead of me. I healed fairly quick, but my leg still hurts from time to time, and driving still gives me anxiety. The first time I drove after the accident was to pick up my sister-in-law from the airport. I had to pull over because the kids were screaming, and I was a nervous wreck, but I found her and we made it home. I was so blessed to have family that helped us with bills, and came from out of state to help with the kids. My church helped us pay rent and provided meals to us. In the end I am actually thankful for my accident, it made me realize my priorities were not in order. I was working 50+ hours a week and never saw my family. Now I work 15 hours a week and spend as much time as possible with my kids and husband. Money will get you nowhere if you don’t live to spend it. The one thing that bothered me was people that dismissed my tragic experience with a “well you are healthy now” or “your kids weren’t with you” . I am happy to be healthy now and so thankful my kids weren’t with me, but it was very tragic and to this day I refuse to go 75 regardless of the speed limit, and flinch anytime I get close to someone while driving. I’ve even come to tears riding passenger. I just want to say to anyone that has been through something tragic you have the right to feelings of anxiety or fear and don’t let people dismiss your feelings.
Remember money isn’t worth time away from your family!
I want to start this by saying I attend church service every Saturday (I might miss a few here or there, I am not perfect). The church my family attends is a nondenominational Christian church named Christ Church of the Valley ( CCV). This Saturday that just past our service was entitled You Ask? People write questions and our pastors attempt to answer them through scripture. This weeks topic was “why does God allow people to suffer?” One instance used was starving children. There is currently enough food produced in the world for every person to eat 3,000 calories a day. Unfortunately corrupt governments keep their citizens starving. Another instance was miscarriage or still birth or infant death. They played a video of a couple that’s daughter died at 97 days of life from a heart condition she was diagnosed with in utero. The couple showed amazing strength and grace. One thibig the mother said that stood out to me was “she got to heaven sooner, we are all trying to get there anyway”. Her point of view wasn’t as a victim, but as a servant. She realized God gave her an opportunity to help others that have gone through this terrible loss. I am by no means saying get over it. What I am saying is you can blame yourself , blame others, blame doctors, or blame God, but it is nobodies fault. God promises to take whatever pain you are experiencing and draw something good from it. I pray that everyone who has ever experienced this kind of pain find peace with knowing there is always something good that can come out of any bad situation. CCV video mentioned in post.
Remember no matter what you are going through in life someone is experiencing it also and strength is in numbers.
Yesterday was my husbands birthday and we decided dinner and bowling with no children sounded wonderful! We packed the kids up dropped them off at Grammys house (late of course, cause once you have kids you are Never on time) and headed to dinner. We had received a gift card to PF Changs for his birthday, so that is where we decided to enjoy the beginning of the night. Our food was amazing! Our service wasn’t great (the waitress seemed as though we bothered her by being there) but regardless it was a good time. At the end of dinner he received a dessert with a candle for his birthday, and our check was dropped of with two fortune cookies (a food I don’t mind talking back to me). Contrary to popular belief fortune cookies were created in San Francisco in the early 1900’s by the Japanese, not in China or by the Chinese. Anyway, our fortune cookies of course had little paper remarks inside. If you have read any of my previous posts you will understand why I had a smirk and a giggle for the fortunes we received. Are fortune cookies actually predictions or benign remarks? You be the judge!
Remember God gave us two ears and one mouth, to remind us to listen more and talk less.
Today is the day I get my Mirena removed to try for our third and final child. I am excited, and nervous (I might throw up on the doctor, let’s pray that doesn’t happen). I am so excited I have been contemplating waking my husband up when I get home from work to start the baby making process right away! Then I start thinking about telling my family I am pregnant again and it gives me anxiety! My mom has one child from each “marriage” , and my dad only has me, so let’s just say they aren’t the type of people open to big families (not that 3 is big). My mom kept telling me after my last baby that was plenty, go get fixed. I enjoy my mothers use of words. Fixed, I imagine myself as a wild animal when I hear that, it makes me giggle. It’s not like I have 20 kids and live in a shack and we are starving, by no means are we starving, maybe we could do with a bit less😜. My husband and I do fine, we have a home, and we can afford all of our needs and most wants. I mean we eat out like 4 times a week, clearly we are not starving. By the way I don’t think Taco Bell should count as eating out, you bring it home! So, anyway I want excitement for my pregnancy when it happens and I am worried that isn’t the feed back I will get. Anyone else have family that doesn’t think before they speak and then tries to back pedal there words for a half hour after? I have some experience with that. So, regardless I am excited, my husband is excited and my kids can’t tell Grammy, at least not yet. Hoping for a big surprise for everyone soon.
Remember your life is your creating, make something wonderful.
My husband and I have recently decided to expand our family. I touched on that in the last post. I am so excited to have another baby. I am blessed with fairly easy pregnancy, and very easy delivery so I don’t have any fear. My husband on the other hand is telling me he is excited but I definitely feel a distance from him anytime I bring up anything baby related. We had a long talk last night and we are now both on board with baby number 3! I have heard and read from many soon to be moms out there that their husband or boyfriend is not excited for the baby that’s coming. I honestly think that men and women just experience a pregnancy from different emotional stand points. Ladies I am here to help. Men do not become excited for a baby until they hear the heart beat, watch an ultrasound, feel the kicks, and hold their new baby. Women we are instantly excited from the moment we see the two lines or the words Pregnant. My stance is that this is a necessary emotion from a woman to insure the protection of their offspring. Ladies, trust me, once your man holds his newborn child all the emotions you have felt the whole pregnancy will catch up with him. My favorite picture from my first pregnancy and delivery is the one taken of my husband the first time he held his son (see photo below).
Remember to enjoy the gift of life that is growing within you!